Balloons, Briefs, and Balancing
How birthday prep and court filings have filled my last two weeks
I want to start by apologizing for not posting these past two weeks. It’s been very busy with an important birthday, preparing for school starting, court filings, and navigating the emotions of teenagers.
Sweet Sixteen Magic
It has been a whirlwind, equal parts cake frosting and court filings. Most of my energy went into planning my daughter’s Sweet Sixteen, which happened last week. She is a dreamer and has always wanted the traditional milestones, and this was something truly special to her. Even though money is tight, we were going to make it happen. Luckily, I found a non-profit event space at a significantly lower price. It was a beautiful rustic hall, like something out of Game of Thrones. Daenerys Targaryen might have even used a space like this, with two balconies overlooking the main space and a grand fireplace. We decorated with party lights, gold, and light sage green balloons, transforming the space into hers. She deserves this, especially after everything she has been through and all she has accomplished. I’m glad we made it work.
Tension in the Background
The wild part was her request to have one big party with both sides of the family. I thought it could be a disaster, and had daydreamed the worst of what could happen. How could I plan a party with someone who refuses to communicate? At first, he was trying to filter things through Meredith, but with just three weeks to go, his wife stepped in. She and I were actually able to coordinate, and she even managed to get him to contribute pictures to the slideshow.
Against all odds, it came together.
At her party, her dad and I didn’t talk, which was probably for the best. He seemed grumpy, as usual. He helped unload a few things and then sat down in a back room while his wife kept running around setting up. It was surreal to watch, because that used to be me almost a decade ago, doing all the running around while he sat back. He actually told me, after receiving his master’s degree, that I should call him “Master.” I declined and said I would never do that; it was weird. It still feels like he expects to be treated as if he is the master. He hardly mingled and sat most of the time. Honestly, he is so lame. I’m just grateful that my husband now is the one beside me—helpful, present, and making sure everything went smoothly and special for her.
It is the reality of my life, to always have court in the background. These proceedings hover over us like a dark cloud. My goal was to let as little of that show up as possible for my daughter on her special day. While there was a bit of tension, most of it stayed at bay. His wife and I even took a picture together. For a moment, it was how I once wished things could be between my ex and I. All I have ever wanted was to be able to co-parent like mature adults—but at this point I don’t think that will ever happen.
Reflections Through Photos
The slideshow turned out so cool: pictures of her from babyhood to now. It ended up being 54 slides and nearly three weeks of creating. I reached out to my ex's wife for help, and she was able to get my ex to add pictures starting from when she was eight, after we separated. Looking through all those old photos brought up so many emotions. It brought home how we only have a few short years left with her, and even with the younger girls. I felt grief for how much I miss my babies, how quickly they’ve grown into young women.
There was also a different kind of sadness, maybe disappointment, or a surreal awareness. Looking back, I can see what was going on in the pictures. Toward the end of the marriage, I had hardly any pictures of my ex. I really don’t have many pictures of him at all, not compared with my husband now, with whom I have so many more. I can tell through the pictures that we were unhappy. After the separation, it’s clear how much more joy I’ve had since. It’s bittersweet to see it all lined up that way, and I feel for the girls, who have really been through it with the effects of the divorce and its aftermath.
A Mother’s Speech
One part of the night that stood out to me was giving a short speech. I warned everyone I’m not a great public speaker, but I wanted to share a few words. I spoke about how my oldest has always been determined, even in kindergarten, when she refused to stop working on an assignment while everyone else was cleaning up. How she faced her scoliosis diagnosis with strength and commitment until she overcame it. I also reminded everyone how silly she can be, quoting lines during movies and filling our home with laughter. Sharing those little pieces of who she is made the night even more meaningful. I was nervous standing there with the microphone, and after my speech was finished I handed it over to her dad. Of course, he was unprepared and spoke off the cuff. He focused a lot of what he said on himself, but he did manage to share some nice things about our daughter too. Meredith’s smile and laughter reminded me that the night was for her, and it was worth every penny and bit of planning. Seeing her face light up throughout the evening and hearing her tell me later how special it all felt was the best part.
Back to Court Reality
After the celebration, life shifted quickly back to reality. Court matters didn’t stop. I finished my latest response, keeping the theme consistent with what’s been going on in the case. While I addressed some of his so-called “points,” I kept my response clear and factual. More importantly, I circled back to show how this filing is just another example of the continuing litigation abuse. I also wrote to the appeals court, making it clear that I am standing on the record and letting them know my ex has not been serving me properly. Which is important to point out to the court as it decreases the amount of time I have before the deadline and my ability to work on a response.
The Pattern of Filings
I addressed his accusations by pointing out the actual record: 43 motions and 3 petitions. That includes 5 objections, 4 emergency motions to restrict, 3 motions to recuse, 5 motions to terminate, 5 motions to reconsider, 3 motions to review, 5 motions for sanctions, and 1 motion to dismiss. He tried to argue there were only about 30 filings and claimed that by us saying 50, we were wrong and escalating emotions. In reality, we were close to correct. I ended up pulling the full case record into a spreadsheet and used COUNTIFS to confirm. Whether the exact number is 50 or 46, the sheer volume shows his consistent pattern of repetitive and duplicative filings. I also reminded the Court again of his ongoing failure to properly serve me, despite his certificates of service, which has repeatedly shortened my time to respond and adds more unnecessary burden.
Protecting My Youngest
On top of everything, there was the situation with my youngest last week. It started when I was talking with Meredith about how, once she has her driver’s license, she will be able to drive them between my house and their father’s. My youngest chimed in and asked why she, or they, can’t choose the schedule. She asked if I would file a motion. She said she wanted to be able to decide. I told her it was not a good idea to change the schedule. I didn’t go into the real reason—that her father is not mentally stable and not capable. I also made clear that I would not start another proceeding that could drag on for years and would end up with the same result. She didn’t even say she wanted more time with her dad, just that she wanted more “control” of her life. I reminded her of all the things she does have control over and reassured her that I will keep protecting her from being pulled into court battles. Soon after, she admitted it was too late; she had already asked her dad in a text.
Almost immediately, she regretted it. She told him she changed her mind and didn’t want to go forward, that she was overwhelmed and just wanted it to stop. Instead of respecting that, he pushed her, dismissing her feelings and telling her they are not “quitters.” She should not have to be pressured into anything or even be involved in these proceedings at all and this goes against court orders. What she doesn’t yet see or know is that he will use anything he can to try to hurt me, and he won’t let it go. It’s heartbreaking to watch the pressure he puts on her when she’s already struggling with the emotional weight of it all.
Holding on to Resilience
This is the constant balance of my life: celebrating milestones with my kids while still fighting to protect them in court. It’s exhausting, but it’s also a reminder that joy and struggle often live side-by-side. I can’t put my life on hold until the court battles are over, because if I did, we’d miss out on the very moments that matter most.
While I wish my energy could go entirely into the celebration and the start of a new school year, the truth is that this is my reality. The best I can do is keep showing up in both arenas, giving my daughter the birthday she deserves while still holding my ground in court. And as I move forward, I hold onto my family, our resilience, and the hope of brighter days ahead. More than anything, I love my children. I would go to the ends of the earth for them. While I struggle with my youngest at times, I hope she can come to understand that I am protecting her, even when it doesn’t feel like it in the moment.
I admit I’m relieved that school is back in session. I don’t have to worry about them being away without knowing where they are. Also, with school back in, they have a schedule, a routine, their friends, and plenty to keep them busy. It’s good for all of us; it gives them structure and gives me space to concentrate on work. Even though they are teenagers, they can still be needy and distracting. Having school back brings a welcomed sense of balance.