Love Through Challenges
A reflection on real love, shared dreams, and the kind of partnership that survives everything.
As I’ve been writing more and reflecting on the past, I keep coming back to one undeniable truth: meeting my husband is one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. Strangely enough, we met in almost the same way I met my ex-husband, but everything about this relationship is different. There weren’t the red flags I later recognized in my first marriage. This time, things felt safe and genuine from the start.
What we’ve built is rooted in trust, love, and respect. Although it has taken time to get to the level of trust we have now. We have a deep mutual understanding, not just of who we are as individuals, but of what we want out of life and how we plan to get there.
We don’t tear each other down. There’s no name-calling, no shaming, no belittling. Even when we disagree or hit hard moments, we handle each other with care. We do have moments of frustration and elevation; there’s no denying that I have a temper, but he’s able to handle me. He brings a patience and understanding I’ve never seen in a man.
I met my husband through Tinder, which was really unexpected. I was going through my divorce and had just separated a month before. I was worried that no man would want to date me, and I would end up an old spinster cat lady, haha. I had two little girls, and in my mind divorcée was less desirable. Even though my mom, dad, and one of my sisters have been married at least five times, they seemed to have no trouble finding partners.
Regardless of that realization, I still carried this belief with me: I had always imagined I’d be married only once, and I was determined, as I didn’t want to repeat family patterns. The idea of starting over was difficult to accept. Plus, it had been nearly a decade since I’d dated, and things had changed a lot. One of my good friends encouraged me, "You should just check it out," even though I didn’t think I’d ever find anyone again. I had two kids, a busy career, I just didn’t think it was possible. But she made my profile, and we looked through people together. Actually, she was the one who was swiping left, and one of those guys was my husband. He was cute, and his photo showed him with his daughter on his shoulders. Which was a plus that he has a child, I thought that someone with children could understand the demands of being a parent more easily. After my niece swiped on him, he messaged me, and we hit it off almost immediately.
We texted for a couple of days, then started talking on the phone. I was nervous for that first call because I have a slight speech impediment that most people don't notice, but I am self-conscious of, especially over the phone. But he didn’t seem to mind at all. He said later that he did notice, but thought it was cute. A couple of weeks later, we went on our first date. It couldn’t have been more perfect.
He took me to Zoe's Kitchen, which sadly has since closed. We both ate our food fast, which surprised me. I’d never known anyone who ate as quickly as I do. I think it stems from my childhood, when food wasn’t always plentiful. I learned to eat fast so I could get more, especially while living with my sister and her many kids. I even did that at school. We giggled about it during our date.
Afterward, I told him that I was enjoying his company, but I needed to run errands, things for work, and my car. He said he was also enjoying our time and came to the DMV with me while I got my plates. He even offered to put them on my car for me, which was so sweet. That’s just who he is. Then we went to the post office, where I was smitten and totally flustered trying to cram letters into a tiny slot, totally missing the pull-down tray right below it. I felt so silly, but he thought it was cute too.
I took him back to the restaurant so he could get his car, we shared our first kiss, and said goodbye. That was the beginning of something beautiful, and now, he is my best friend, the one person I trust with everything. I was talking to one other guy briefly during that time, but within a couple of weeks, I knew I only wanted to be with him. One night, while we were in the bath together, he asked me to be his girlfriend. He had his arms around me and said he wanted to be exclusive. It was sweet and sincere, and of course, I said yes.
Over the years, we’ve definitely had our challenges. We’ve faced conflict with our co-parents and endured the ongoing stress of the legal system. Both of us have had ongoing court cases that have consumed our time, energy, and emotional bandwidth for nearly eight years now. I’ve posted about that before, so I won’t go into detail here. And yet, despite all of that—perhaps even because of it—the past almost eight years have also been the most wonderful years of my life because of the relationship we’ve built. How we’ve chosen each other again and again, through the worst and best of times. When you’ve been through the things we have, it’s easy to see why many relationships wouldn’t survive. And yet, we’ve managed to hold onto each other.
In the beginning, we were so in love. Every time we saw each other, it felt magnetic. When the kids weren’t around because they were at their other parent's house, we were all over each other. Our physical connection was more intense than anything I’d experienced. There were times I’d open the door and he’d immediately start kissing me, holding me close as he walked me inside. We often couldn’t wait to make it to the bedroom—there in the entryway, on the stairs, against the wall. We were everywhere. It was hot, passionate, like something out of one of those romance novels. We explored things together that I never thought I’d be comfortable with, and it deepened our intimacy. That connection gave us space to breathe when everything else in life felt heavy.
Since we started dating, we have loved doing things with the girls and try to make the most of our time together. We knew and know now what a limited time we have before they are all grown. We take them to museums, try new restaurants, and have spent a lot of time outside hiking, walking the dogs, and going to the park. Most of all, we support them in what they want to do in school and extracurriculars. They all do great in school, and we love watching them play sports or participate in speech, concerts, and recitals.
That kind of family time is important to us. It’s more challenging now that they’re teenagers, but we still make it work, even if it takes more convincing. We have also made it a point to have dinners together and have real family meals. It’s interesting to us that many families, according to what their friends tell us when they’re over, don’t do this regularly. And when they do, they say it’s usually quiet. Typically, our kids tell us all about their day during dinner. We often get sidetracked into other conversations, but we always make sure to hear about each of their days. We often sit for over an hour, just talking, laughing, and sometimes diving into serious topics. More often than not, it’s just fun. I’m so glad that we’ve kept this tradition. It allows us to check in with the kids, love on them, and stay connected, even if they don’t fully recognize it now.
My husband and I do the same when it’s just the two of us. It’s like we have date night every night we don't have the kids. We also really enjoy the preparation of our meals when we’re alone. We get a little fancier and even break out the candles occasionally. Home-cooked meals and dinner at the table is a ritual that I hope our children will continue with their families.
When we were first together, he showed me how much he loved me in so many ways. He bought me flowers weekly for years. We'd leave notes on the bathroom mirror or sticky notes around the house with encouragement or little love messages. I have kept a few of those. He’s also consistent about getting me a nice card for every birthday and anniversary; always dated, always thoughtful, sometimes funny, sometimes heartfelt.
Even in the darkest moments, we still hold each other close. Whether we’re watching TV or on a walk, physical touch is always present. Even after an argument, we’ll find a way to reconnect, even if it's just our feet touching under the blanket. It helps that he’s warm… and sexy. Honestly, who wouldn’t want to cuddle up to a man like that?
I’ve never known a love like this. I’ve loved before, but not this deeply. He is truly my best friend—the person who knows me completely, and I know him. We don’t keep secrets. Not even the small stuff. That honesty has helped us stay grounded. We’ve learned a lot from our past relationships, and that has shaped how we do things differently now.
Before we got married, we went to counseling because we wanted to work through our communication issues. We didn’t want to repeat old patterns. That work has carried us through some very tough times. We’re still not perfect. We still have moments where we misunderstand each other. But we try. We really try to put ourselves in each other’s shoes. We still see this therapist occasionally, just to check in and continue growing together, and because of the weight of what we are dealing with. It’s important to us that we’re on the same page.
We also share the same values when it comes to raising our kids. Even when we don’t agree on everything, we’re aligned on the big picture. That keeps us grounded. Understanding each other’s childhoods, our traumas, and where we’ve come from gives us a grace and gentleness that has helped us survive so many storms.
Having the hard conversations, especially about our kids and our legal cases, has been essential. So has dreaming about the future. We talk about what we want for ourselves, just the two of us, when the kids are grown and out of the house. That’s not so far away now. They’ll all be in high school next year. Soon, it’ll just be us at home every day, and I’m looking forward to it.
We’re not like those parents who dread the empty nest. While I will miss the kids, we’ve built something that isn’t dependent on them for happiness. There’s so much we still want to do. And even after everything life has thrown at us, we’re still here. Still choosing each other. Every day.
I admire my husband—his tenacity, his strength, and the way he shows up for everyone, even when life is hard. This is enduring love. The way he thinks through things and always comes back around. He doesn’t ignore what matters, even if he sometimes procrastinates. I adore the attention he gives our kids, how he loves my girls like they are his own, and how deeply he loves his daughter. He would do anything for them. I even love the way he takes care of himself and always makes sure he’s presentable. He is a beautiful human being, and I love him more every single day. In so many ways, he’s the foundation of our family, and the person I want beside me for every adventure ahead.
We want to travel the country, and if we have enough time, maybe even explore Canada. There’s so much to see, and the idea of being in a small space with him doesn’t scare me; it feels comforting. We’ve been looking into the vanlife dream: just the two of us on the road, and of course, we imagine our cat coming along too. She’s a tolerant little girl who actually loves the outdoors. I think we both romanticize the idea, but in the best way.
We also have dreams of traveling beyond the road—visiting places like Ireland, New Zealand, and Australia. These adventures live in our hearts, quietly motivating us to build the kind of life that allows for them. Someday, we’d love to downsize to a little cabin on a few acres, a peaceful retreat where we can park our RV or van and still have the comforts of home. But we also want a home base, somewhere our children and their future families can visit, a space filled with love, warmth, and memories still to be made.
We are on our way, and I am so glad that life drew me to him, like destiny. Even with a few rough chapters left to get through, I know how this story ends: with us, together. And I wouldn’t want it any other way.