You Have to Call It What It Is; When Legal Abuse Becomes the Pattern
A Look Inside My Pro Se Strategy and Why the Pattern Matters
This past week, I filed two major responses in my family court case. Not just out of necessity, but because I’ve come to accept that this was never just a custody dispute. It’s an obsession, and not the kind you imagine as a child, dreaming of a prince who rescues you and carries you into a fairytale ending. This is the kind that haunts your life. The kind where you become someone else’s mission. Where systems, time, and people are twisted against you just to keep you trapped.
The other day, my youngest told me I was the reason her father and his wife were having problems. I had to explain I wasn’t the cause, even if I’ve become the elephant in their home. If I were in her shoes, I’d probably also be tired of hearing about his ex and the court. I know that because I live this. I’m tired of it too. I even told her once that if she was going through even half of what I endured when we were married, then I truly felt for her. He can’t let me go. I wish that weren’t true. But he is hell-bent on punishing me, and now, the court. He goes to great lengths to do both.
So I’m approaching it differently now. I’m naming it for what it is: a pattern of control. It’s something my attorney only lightly touched on, but I can’t afford to keep responding just to defend. I’m hitting it head-on, not to escalate, but to clarify. I’m asking the Court to finally see the truth behind the filings, and most importantly, to do something about it.
Here’s what I filed:
A Response to a Motion to Vacate Orders, where my ex tried to erase longstanding travel protections that have been in place for nearly six years, and that he regularly disregards (in fact, he’s doing it again as I write this), by twisting a statute that doesn’t even apply;
And a Motion for Judicial Relief and General Response, pushing back against attempts to undo a contempt finding, stay enforcement, disqualify a magistrate again, and to ask the Court for protection.
These filings weren’t about "winning" or just defending. They were about making the record clear.
What I Was Responding To
Throughout the last eight years, my ex has filed motion after motion, trying to rewrite history, avoid consequences, and shift blame.
He’s also trying to void protective orders that have been in place for nearly six years, orders that have been upheld on appeal and reaffirmed in multiple rulings. He cites and misinterprets a 2023 appellate case (Badawiyeh), claiming it invalidates routine parenting plan safeguards, when in reality, our case was never governed by that statute to begin with. Instead under the Court's inherent authority to make decisions in the children's best interest and to manage its docket and conflict.
Another filing asks the court to pause all enforcement, after he’s already behind on obligations, and includes yet another motion to recuse, this time it's to try and remove a magistrate because he didn’t like the outcome—a rare moment when he was finally held responsible for his actions. I’ve lost track of how many times he’s filed to recuse someone or redo a hearing simply because he didn’t get his way.
What This Does to Our Kids
Legal abuse isn’t just about paperwork; it’s about what happens to the children caught in the middle.
Our daughters are stuck acting as go-betweens, pulled into conflict they didn’t create and can’t control. They just want to love both of their parents. But instead of being allowed to do that freely, they’re learning to decode tension, read moods, and manage emotional pressure that doesn’t belong to them.
This isn’t just confusing for them. It’s a form of psychological harm. When one parent repeatedly violates boundaries and disrespects court orders, the children are left unsure of who to trust or what to believe. He twists the narrative with them the same way he tries to do with the Court, leaving them in a fog of pressured loyalty and manipulation.
He also neglects their health in ways that, at times, feel like they’re meant to spite me. Delaying or refusing necessary care, ignoring medical guidance, or simply pretending like nothing is wrong, just because I think something is best or needed. Whether they recognize it or not, it still shapes them.
They’re not just witnessing conflict, they’re absorbing it. And that has consequences that may follow them long after the filings stop.
These aren’t isolated incidents. They’re part of a pattern. And that pattern puts our daughters at risk.
Why I Didn’t Give His Accusations Any Space in My Responses
He’s accused me of many things before, clearly trying to get me into trouble. But this time, he accused me of committing a Class 6 felony.
I am one of the most law-abiding people I know. I wear my seatbelt, drive the speed limit, never cut lines, and avoid anything that could even remotely land me in trouble. I’ve seen what one wrong move can do to someone’s life, and I’ve always been determined not to become a cautionary tale.
So to see that kind of accusation filed in writing, by someone who supposedly once loved me, feels like betrayal on another level. How did we even get here? How can someone you once loved hate this much? Obviously, we divorced for a reason. But never in my wildest dreams did I think it would come to this.
He accuses me of so much, it's pretty ridiculous. And no, I didn’t respond to that specific claim in my court filings. It was unnecessary, as I believe and hope the court will see through his false claims. Expanding on them would have given the accusations more weight than they deserved. I can’t imagine ever being so vindictive that I’d falsely accuse someone of a crime.
He never has tangible proof. Instead, he ties me to outrageous claims like saying I’m “on meth again.” Again? Please! Someone tell me when the first time was, because I must’ve been too high to remember it.
It’s not even insulting. I don’t take it seriously. It’s more annoying than anything. But still, it’s another unhinged accusation dropped into a motion like that’s normal.
What I Filed in Response
I filed two things, and in both, I brought the focus back to the facts. In my Motion for Judicial Relief, I:
Asked the Court to pause upcoming deadlines so I can continue pro se without being buried;
Outlined the emotional, financial, and psychological toll nearly a decade of litigation has taken on me and my children;
Asked the Court to require my ex to seek permission before filing again, as a safeguard against further abuse of the system;
Reaffirmed the need for travel and medical protections, protections that have been violated repeatedly;
And requested a long-overdue mental health evaluation that was already ordered once, but never complied with. This was also specifically recommended back in the beginning by the Child Family Investigator (CFI)
I didn’t ask for sympathy. I asked for structure. For protection. For the Court to stop treating this like a typical disagreement between parents.
Calling the Pattern What It Is
In both responses, I showed how his behavior fits Colorado’s expanded definition of domestic violence. Specifically, coercive control.
This looks like:
Harassing and demeaning messages on Talking Parents and in memo lines of checks (“Bribe Money”);
Using the children as messengers instead of communicating directly, and attempting to use Parental Alienation tactics;
Filing motion after motion, many of which are nothing more than complaints dressed up as legal arguments, knowing I’m overwhelmed and under-resourced;
Misusing past records and irrelevant family records that have no connection to our case, to try and restrict parenting or undermine my credibility.
This isn’t just litigation. It’s abuse: psychological, financial, and legal.
The Motion to Vacate: What He Got Wrong
In the Motion to Vacate, my ex argued that travel orders were void because they weren’t based on a specific abduction risk finding. But here’s what’s true:
The orders weren’t based on the abduction statute. They were based on best interest findings under Colorado law.
These protections were reaffirmed in multiple rulings over several years.
They were already upheld by the Court of Appeals.
And most telling: he previously used these very orders to file contempt against me. (Which was dismissed)
He only challenged them when they no longer served his goals.
What I Hope the Court Sees
I filed these responses pro se. I’ve followed every order. I’ve taken care of the kids. I’ve paid tens of thousands in legal fees. And still, I’m back here again.
I’m not asking to silence anyone. I’m asking the Court to set limits. To protect the process. To protect us.
We can’t keep calling this "high conflict" when it’s not. It’s calculated. And it’s harming everyone involved. This is Litigation Abuse.
If you’ve ever stood in front of a judge and tried to explain what’s happening behind the scenes, I see you. If you’ve had to file alone, respond alone, and hope someone reads it carefully, I understand.
You don’t need to scream to be heard. You don’t need to match their chaos. You just need to be organized, tell the truth, and keep going.
That’s what I’m doing. One motion at a time.
Want to See What That Looks Like?
I’ve shared both filings here for those who want to see exactly how I presented my case. I want to share these so others navigating court without an attorney can see how I built my responses, fact-based, grounded, and structured to be heard.
*I’ve redacted all personal information to protect our identities. These are not provided as legal advice but for examples only.
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